I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
