I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
