He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
