So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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