Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
