Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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