i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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