I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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