Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
