Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
