your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
