would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
