My friends, they love my intelligence
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
