A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
