: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
