I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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