i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
