I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
