omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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