My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
nutella sex= disaster
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
