i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
