think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
