I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
