I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
