also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
