My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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