I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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