Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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