i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
