Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We are two peas in an std pod
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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