Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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