Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
