I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
