I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
