We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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