dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
