dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just googled if crying burns calories
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
