I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
