I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
