Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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