Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
