we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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