My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
