My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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