I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
