my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
there was a trapeze. enough said
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize