Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
