He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
