So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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