But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
