Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
