Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
