I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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