lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
