Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
