I only kidnapped one of them. chill
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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